Whether you are early in your marriage or in the thick of it, stop what you’re doing and read this article! So many people go through marriage without realizing this one critical fact. The key to ultimate success lies within understanding the stages of married life. Of course, marriage is not for everyone, and that’s fine. However, if you are married, or desire to be married, pay close attention.
Marriage is a partnership. You and your husband have agreed to “do life together”, and both of you are required to reach success. I was talking to my mom about this, and she made a really good point. She said that marriage is like a lock and key situation. Both parts have to be involved for it to work. Think about that! It does not matter who is the lock and who is the key lol. Stay focused! Here is the point. Marriage needs parternership. God’s blessings and purpose for your marriage will remain locked without it. Let’s get into it.
5 Stages of Married Life
God is a covenant keeping God, and He works through seasons. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” Covenant and seasons…sounds like marriage right? God intends for us to understand the seasons of our covenant.
1. The Honeymoon Phase
The honeymoon phase is the initial stage of a marriage. I would classify this as the first 1-3 years. In this stage, couples are usually deep in love and excited to start their lives together. I know this was true for my husband and me. I remember being so excited to marry my man and to become his wife. During this stage, there are a lot less external stressors to the marriage. As a result, couples may be more forgiving of each other’s flaws and may spend a lot of time getting to know each other better.
The honeymoon phase is a sweet but vital stage that will have a profound effect on success. In fact, this is a period you will have to draw from many times over the course of the marriage. When you face tough times, remembering the honeymoon phase will bring you back to why you fell in love in the first place. I can’t emphasize it enough. This is the foundational period of your marriage. It is important to build a strong, solid foundation on which to build the rest of the relationship.
2. Building a Life Together
The second stage in the stages of married life is “building a life together”. During this stage, couples start to build a life together. I call it “putting legs to the vision”. This is when they move in together, purchase a home, and discuss starting a family. Of course, some couples may already have children in this stage. This stage can be filled with excitement and anticipation, but it can also be stressful as couples navigate the challenges of building a life together. One of those challenges could be starting a new career. Typically, the initial salaries are not where the couple wants them to be. Ambitious couples will see this as the hustle and grind phase.
When my husband and I were in this stage, we actually had our first son. He was born in the second year of our marriage, so our honeymoon phase had a third wheel lol. In the building stage, we had a little bit of extra pressure to bring in enough money to pay for childcare, cover our bills, and save for our first house. We knew we were in the building phase, so we saved money by living beneath our means for a few years. In fact, we remained in our one bedroom apartment for around 6 or 7 months after our first son was born. We also got by with one car during that time and reduced the number of date nights as well. Understanding the season will dictate your spending habits and lifestyle. We were able to buy our first house and purchase two cars by year 4!
3. Raising a Family (Toughest of All Stages of Married Life)
Once a family is established, the focus of the marriage often shifts to raising children. This stage can be both rewarding and challenging as couples learn to balance the demands of parenting with maintaining their own relationship. Maybe it is because we are in this stage right now, but I feel like the “raising a family” stage is the toughest (and busiest) one.
The kids have school and extracurricular activities they are involved in so we constantly feel like we’re on the move. Then, there’s the character building aspect of raising godly children. Lord help us! Of course, everyone’s marriage is different. However, based on what I picture for my latter years, I believe this opinion will hold true for me. Our plan is to put in the work now, and enjoy the fruits of our labor later. Without a doubt, we are also having a lot of fun times along the way.
Another reason this stage feels hardest is because, at least in our case, it overlaps with the building phase. For example, when you are building a house, you start with the foundation, then build the house frame. However, at that point, the house is still not yet complete. You have to continue construction to finish the house. The same is true in the stages of married life. While we are raising the kids, my husband and I continue to build our future and a legacy to pass on. Feel free to check out my YouTube channel to see the progress we’re making on our house in Ethiopia, Africa!
4. The Empty Nest Stage
Once the children leave home, couples may experience a period of adjustment. This stage can be an opportunity for couples to reconnect and rediscover each other. However, it can also be a time of uncertainty as couples face the question of what comes next. While, I have not yet personally experienced this phase of married life, I did talk to my mom about how it’s been for her. What she said was very eye-opening.
My mom said that prior to this stage, the primary focus is the children. Raising another human being is a lot of work and requires time and proper attention. After that season, the focus returns to the original two…husband and wife. For many couples, this may mean re-learning somethings about one another. Overtime, people change, even well into their adult years. As my mom pointed out, she no longer wants the things she wanted when she was in her 30’s. While she is basically still the same person, her worldview, perspectives, and desires have all taken slightly different shapes in her latter years. Even for me, I can already tell that I am a different person than I was in my 20’s. I can only imagine how different I might be in my 60’s or 70’s.
5. Retirement and Aging Together
As couples approach retirement age, they may start to think about their future together. This stage can be an opportunity to pursue new interests and hobbies together, but it can also be a time of reflection as couples look back on their lives together. This is why consciousness of all the previous the stages of married life is so important.
You want to be able to look back on your life with your husband, and say, “By the God’s grace, we did it honey!” I picture my husband and I sitting together on the terrace of the house we are building now, sipping coffee, and looking out over the city in the distance. Taking in the fresh air, marveling at how God blessed us, and our children and grandchildren. What a tragedy it would be to look back and feel a sense of regret as a result of wasted time and opportunity.
As couples age, they may face new challenges such as health issues and caregiving responsibilities. This stage can be a time of great intimacy and connection as couples support each other through the challenges of aging. What a blessing it would be to experience all the stages of married life with the one God has blessed you with!
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I pray God’s blessing and favor over you and your marriage sis!
