Recently, I was pondering the question of whether marriage is truly 50/50. Some argue that it is or should be at least, while others support the idea that 50/50 is unrealistic. I even heard actress, businesswoman and social media sensation Tabitha Brown say that marriage is 100/100. She’s got a point there! Whatever the percentage breakdown works out to be, good communication is still the key to a healthy and overall successful marriage. However, are there specific things we should be talking about or specific questions to ask in marriage?
Good communication in marriage seems pretty obvious and straightforward right? The problem is, that word “communication” gets thrown around so much without any real framework to work from. Sometimes, we need a little structure to help what seems straightforward be a little more simple lol. Here is a list of 10 questions I believe could help to add that additional structure. These questions can be used as a periodic check in for you and your husband. You choose the frequency and, of course, feel free to modify them as you see fit!
Questions to Ask In Marriage
1. How are you feeling about our relationship currently? Is there anything you’d like to change or improve?
It is true, our feelings can be misleading, and they cannot always be trusted. However, they should not be ignored. Feelings are sometimes the framework of a person’s reality and may be a result of a misunderstanding. Hearing how your spouse feels can bring things back into the proper perspective.
2. What do you appreciate most about our marriage? Is there something specific that has made you happy recently?
Too often, people in general focus on what is wrong instead of what is right. The things that are working well in your marriage should be highlighted and celebrated! Continue to do what is working and let one another know that those efforts did not go unnoticed.
3. How can I better support you emotionally? Is there anything you need from me in terms of listening, understanding, or empathy?
This is a big one for women, especially when it comes to our emotional wellbeing. We as women like to feel “heard” and “seen”. When that is not the case, it may come across to us as if he doesn’t care. The truth is, some men feel this way too! Check out my previous post on 3 powerful ways to encourage your husband.
4. Are there any unmet needs or desires that you have in our marriage? How can we work together to address them?
You should always make sure that your partner’s physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs and/or desires are met to the best of your ability. Of course, there are some things you won’t be able to solve. Pray together about it for an answer from The Most High.
5. How would you like to spend quality time together? Are there any activities or experiences you’d like to pursue as a couple?
For some people (like me lol) quality time is their love language. With kids, quality time can be hard to find, but you just have to get a little more creative. This question is a good one to keep on the list because once life gets hectic, quality time can fall off the radar.
6. How can we enhance our communication? Are there any areas where you feel we could improve in terms of understanding and expressing ourselves?
This question is more so about the day to day communication. Is the only time you have meaningful conversation when it comes time for the “questions to ask in marriage” check-in? Hopefully not but it’s a good way to gauge how things are going.
7. Is there anything you feel is lacking in our intimacy and physical connection? How can we nurture and maintain a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship?
How are things going sexually? This is a topic that I think does not get enough coverage in marriage. God forbid it just becomes a “marital duty”! Sex is a huge part of connecting and marriage. Make sure you are attentive to your husband’s needs and that he is to yours as well. Pay attention to “sexiness” even in your godly marriage.
8. What are your thoughts and feelings about our financial situation? Are there any concerns or goals you’d like to discuss?
Finances can be a touchy subject, but they definitely should not be a foreign subject in marriage. Discussing your financial situation often can help to avoid financial ruin and/or major disappointments. Never hide financial trouble from your spouse.
9. How can we better balance our individual needs and responsibilities within the marriage? Are there any adjustments we can make to support each other?
This one gets back to the “marriage is 50/50” discussion. Even if it is supposed to be, it may not be the case all the time. It is important to let your spouse know when your load is feeling too heavy and to help him with his when he’s feeling the same.
10. Are there any dreams or aspirations you have for our future together? How can we work towards them as a team?
Marriage is a partnership and you are building a life together. This is my favorite part about being married! My husband and I are accomplishing things I know we would not be doing alone. Find out what passions you and your husband share and go after them!
Conclusion on Questions to Ask In Marriage
Remember, these questions are meant to encourage open and honest communication between you and your spouse, and they should be asked with the intention of understanding and supporting each other. Pray on the responses you get and ask God to lead you in any adjustments that should be made. As I stated at the beginning, feel free to adapt or modify these questions to fit your specific situation.
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Be blessed in your marriage!
